Laughter
Opens the Door
And
Joy Returns
“Don’t
be concerned about being disloyal to your pain
by
being joyous.” ~ Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan
The first time it happened,
I was confused—a stranger in an unknown land. I stepped off the plane of sorrow
and into a foreign place, one where I didn’t know the language and was unfamiliar
with the customs. But I knew that language at one time in my past. I had
practiced that custom—often.
Where had I
journeyed? Into the land of laughter, into the presence of joy.
Four weeks of
soul-deadening grief had striped my defenses bare. My husband, my
fourteen-year-old daughter, and I mourned with unceasing tears the death of our
child, the death of her sister. It was fitting that even in South Florida,
those November and December pre-solstice days were dark, not only in our
psyches, but also in the days that had so little sunlight. That lack of light
mirrored how we felt as we trudged through the short days and longer nights
that signal the most profound grief.
Nowhere was laughter
present. Nowhere did joy show its face . . . until one evening at the dinner table.
My daughter Vee said or did something zany and laughter seized the three of us.
It grabbed us by the collars and refused to let go until its joyous peals rang
through the house and echoed from the walls that had been painted with sorrow.
Laughter erupted
from deep within each of us, released from that which had bound it for weeks.
Tears of mirth
trickled down our cheeks, our noses ran, and we shook with glee. When my
laughter faded, it struck me that it was the first time I had experienced joy
since Alexa died. I felt no guilt. Never before or since have I been so aware
of laughter—so aware of joy.
I welcomed the joy
as I might a new friend into my life. My grief wasn’t over; it never will be
over, but that laughter opened the door and let joy return to my life.
Often, after
profound loss, we take on the cloak of grief as if it’s our new responsibility
to wear it for the rest of our lives. We fear that if our sorrow leaves, our
love for the one we lost also will leave.
Joy cannot and will
not diminish the love we have for those we now grieve. Our pain and loss are
not nullified when we once again seek, find, and welcome joy into our lives.
The joy that returns
is the same joy that our loved ones brought to us during their lives, or we wouldn’t
grieve them. It is the same joy that leads us to live meaningful lives in site
of loss—and sometimes even because of loss.
Laughter and joy
bring light and even more love into our lives, and for that we should never
grieve, but rather be grateful. Laughter and joy are the healing balms that mend
our hearts.
In this holiday
season and every season, remember to open yourself to joy, open yourself to
laughter, and open yourself to love.
